you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
