i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
