u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just pee around me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
