WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
