Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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