How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
