ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
