Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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