On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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