Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
