I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
