why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
