mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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