this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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