i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
