Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
