Michael Bay diarrhea
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I will pee on everything he values.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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