We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
