We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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