I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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