gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
