Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
no, he came in my armpit
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
