i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
