she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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