U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
