i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
