Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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