i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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