a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize