Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
