Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
