Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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