i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
