How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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