i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
