when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a search helicopter?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
