the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
