garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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