nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
