I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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