The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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