Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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