I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
