A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
