One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
