I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
