I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
