my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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