Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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