I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
