It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
