Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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