I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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