I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
