I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
