I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize