i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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