If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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