it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
