I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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