you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
