She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
