last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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