As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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