I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they need to just BURY HIM!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
