Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
