i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
