I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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