so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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