If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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