fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize