She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
