you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
