I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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