well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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