I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
