I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think my tv is drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
