Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
