there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
