OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
