I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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