Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
